Crappy Game

I haven't played it, but I know its gotta be good!

Unhinged, outa control, absolute crazed, insert other Macaw catch phrase here, 11/10!!!

---{ Graphics }---

☑ You forget what reality is

☐ Beautiful

☐ Good

☐ Decent

☐ Bad

☐ Don‘t look too long at it

☐ MS-DOS

---{ Gameplay }---

☑ Very good

☐ Good

☐ It's just gameplay

☐ Mehh

☐ Watch paint dry instead

☐ Just don't

---{ Audio }---

☑ Eargasm

☐ Very good

☐ Good

☐ Not too bad

☐ Bad

☐ I'm now deaf

---{ Audience }---

☐ Kids

☐ Teens

☑ Adults

☐ Grandma

---{ PC Requirements }---

☐ Check if you can run paint

☑ Potato

☐ Decent

☐ Fast

☐ Rich boi

☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

---{ Game Size }---

☑ Floppy Disk

☐ Old Fashioned

☐ Workable

☐ Big

☐ Will eat 10% of your 1TB hard drive

☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it

☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

---{ Difficulty }---

☐ Just press 'W'

☐ Easy

☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master

☐ Significant brain usage

☐ Difficult

☑ Impossible

---{ Grind }---

☐ Nothing to grind

☑ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks

☐ Isn't necessary to progress

☐ Average grind level

☐ Too much grind

☐ You'll need a second life for grinding

---{ Story }---

☑ No Story

☐ Some lore

☐ Average

☐ Good

☐ Lovely

☐ It'll replace your life

---{ Game Time }---

☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee

☐ Short

☐ Average

☐ Long

☑ To infinity and beyond

---{ Price }--

☐ It's free!

☑ Worth the price

☐ If it's on sale

☐ If u have some spare money left

☐ Not recommended

☐ You could also just burn your money

---{ Bugs }---

☑ Never heard of

☐ Minor bugs

☐ Can get annoying

☐ ARK: Survival Evolved

☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }---

☐ 1

☐ 2

☐ 3

☐ 4

☐ 5

☐ 6

☐ 7

☐ 8

☐ 9

☑ 10

Welcome to the new normal, where AAA Titles are rubbish, perform terribly, and the devs blame you when you speak up

I haven't really played around with this since Early Access and launch. I wasn't going to bother with a review. Prior to Bethesda's immature behaviour, this was just another in a long line of poorly developed AAA games that left a bad taste in my mouth and has become the norm on PC, and arguably in the Gaming community in general. Sadly, this review has to be done since Bethesda loves to blame US for THEIR mistakes. I guess they didn't learn from ReSpawn and EA Games when those studios also tried to blame players for Jedi: Survivor's rubbish code and optimisation.

Mediocre gameplay and storytelling:

Starfield was in development for 8 years (while most of us have been waiting for Elder Scrolls 6 I might add). For a game to be this "paint by numbers" after an 8-year development cycle, and not taking risks or breaking moulds for what is supposedly their passion project, is insane. This is like if Wish.Com had made Mass Effect. BioWare already did this genre far better than Bethesda could ever hope to. The NPCs and side characters are uninspired, generic, safe. The quests, save for a few, were as simplistic as remembering the alphabet. The promises made by the head of the studio were never delivered upon. To make no mention of the fact that Bethesda, in a reminiscent display of Project CD RED's Cyberpunk, overhyped their game and then bought in to their own hype train. Is it a bad game (problems with optimisation and coding excluded)? No. But the expectation that this would be a GotY contender this year, or that it was worth 70 quid, is asinine at best, and downright clinically delusional at worst.

Immersion Breaking Glitches, Bugs, and Poor Performance:

The memes of how Bethesda lets you test their software AFTER release and making you pay for it instead of doing Early Access like some other GotY winning studios are insanely accurate.

The release was bugged, the performance was awful, and the response to criticism was appalling. Moving beyond the dead-eye stares of NPCs that have given rise to the STAREFIELD memes, optimisation was just simply not a thing. Levelling up bugs, companions chilling on top of your ship while travelling through space, and other immersion breaking glitches are all over the place. One should not be getting 40ish FPS with a mid-tier RTX 30 Series card in this game when the recommended hardware is a mid-tier RTX 20 Series Card. That's not even mentioning how people with high-end 40 Series Cards were experiencing the same problems. Also, can we acknowledge that relying on upscaling is not optimisation of your software? Far too many AAA developers are pumping out titles to meet their shareholder's money hungry gluttony by relying on this tool. I shouldn't have to upscale to eke out 10-20 more frames a second, and in Starfield's case it didn't even work that great, to put me over the standard 60 FPS. Come on people, we live in a post DOOM: Eternal world, where the standard of true optimisation of a video game has been set for almost 4 years.

Developers Throwing Temper Tantrums:

But perhaps the biggest offence, the most appalling behaviour of all that actually led me to writing a review for this steaming hot cup of mediocrity? Beyond releasing an official statement gaslighting players by blaming their hardware (very reminiscent of ReSpawn's official statement in April regarding the average player's reaction to Jedi: Survivor), Bethesda sent their devs in to the Steam reviews to negatively respond to our criticism. To gaslight us, Devsplain to us why WE were wrong, and not THEM. That's not a good look. Consumers set the tone, your game performed horribly. Eat the ♥♥♥♥ sandwich and do better next time. But this is the world we are coming to. Corporations producing products for people they disdain, and then getting mad when their product performs poorly. Blizzard started it, it's so obvious that Blizzard hates their players, and now we have seen it with ReSpawn/EA Games and Bethesda. Welcome to the new normal, where AAA Titles are rubbish, perform terribly, and the devs blame you when you speak up.

I give this game a hard line 2/10, and my recommendation is wait till it's marked down 90%.

Really lives up to it's name!

I scored a high score of 34100 on my stream. Chat loved it! Doing!!!

My wife divorced and left me for Crappy Game. ★★★☆☆

11/10 Palworld has nothing on this